its deja vu like sitting here by the computer in my room on the second floor, peering out through rain speckled window. finally home at last, the chilly swedish air never fails to remind me of yet another summer thats come to an end. its hard to believe i'll be in london this time next week, with my 20kgs of luggage in the middle of busy saturday traffic, back to the real world, back to real life, back to unsupervised independence, back to studying and working...me, back in action. cant decide whether i'm looking forward to it or not.

 

a tiny figure in the middle of nanjing road, i stood there in central shanghai, observing my shadow beneath the sizzling noon sun. totally regretting wearing black, i closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself else where.  this is my last day in china. i wondered i could do this, simply close my eyes in midst a noisy environment and teletransport myself (my mind in the least) somewhere else. pictureing a movie flashback, i tried to remember what i've been up to in these last two months, from beijing to anhui: dusty classrooms, muddy shoes and straw hats. evening strolls along west lake, silkscreen printing in factories, lofty art studios and unairconditioned long bus journeys. with my short term memory i've probably already forgotten lots of bits and bobs. i wish at the end of our lives, whether there is a long hall of light to walk through or not, that by the end of it we'd be handed a dvd and in it, a record of how we've live our lives from the tiniest incidents to life changing decisions. assuming there are dvd players in heaven that is.