dont know why, i feel a bit queasy. flatmate's moved out today and for the first time in awhile, i'm alone in the flat. theres an emptiness i dont like. honestly though, my room's never been this clean before. but it feels like something is missing. i've filled two massive bags with clothes, shoes and bags for charity. boxes are cleaned out, i now have the whole place to myself. funny, i must have grown really attached to my messy space. even, the dingy futon. its transformed back to its old self. although the cushions are a bit creased, looks a bit sunken in. i oddly prefer it to the springy double bed. dont really want to sleep in an empty room. i'll wake up in the morning and find myself oddly elevated off the floor. i'll find everything dissapointedly clean. ugh the cleanliness. its all so unnatural. the place is so depressingly sad. i dont want to handle change at this point. its all going too fast. stop stop, wait for me to catch up.